


like a monster of perpetual devotion

by bluebells



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Character Study, Family, Gen, Isolation, Musings on Knights of Ren and OT3 of the Travelling Jacket, Post-Film, Second POV, legacy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-14
Updated: 2016-03-14
Packaged: 2018-05-26 16:14:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6246856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluebells/pseuds/bluebells
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tell me about yourself. About the boy who was sent away and didn’t trust his strength to reach back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	like a monster of perpetual devotion

**Author's Note:**

> While outlining and writing for _Close the Circuit_ , I had to detour (does everyone figure out their muses this way?). Title is taken from "tidal wave" by Husky.
> 
> This can be read from the perspective of Luke, but not necessary.

Tell me about yourself. About the boy who was sent away and didn’t trust his strength to reach back.

Tell me about the boy who loved his parents, who needed them so desperately and thought that courage meant to struggle so very quietly with a bitten tongue and clenched fists to not miss them, to need them, though he did every day.

Tell me about the boy who was born with the long shadow before and behind him. Tell me about the boy who thought everyone had imaginary friends that whispered to them of strength and destiny, the child who let the shadows hold his hand as he shook with fear and a power that choked him as the voice assured,

> _\-- You are afraid, I know you are, but you are not alone._
> 
> _\-- You’re afraid because you don’t understand, but you will._
> 
> _\-- You fear you are weak, and you are; today._
> 
> _\-- You fear you’re a burden to them you love, but this is only today. There is strength ahead. It will come at high cost, but it is your birthright._
> 
> _\-- You are more than this fear. Do not fear the failure. Use it. Wield it. The galaxy needs you._

Tell me about the boy who wanted to out-stretch the shadows, to not love or long for those missed so fiercely, who sought strength and honour, and thought it was found in solitude. Who had no idea how many mistakes you can make when you’re alone.

Tell me about the moment you realised... did you realise? Or are you still to learn?

All right, then.

Tell me how far you’ve come from home.

How many have you burned to clear this path?

Tell me about the six at your shoulders named for the enlightenment, but who don themselves in the dark. Tell me they’re your pride. Tell me you earned the title of ‘Master’ by respect and not fear at the length of that brittle, spitting saber. Tell me they guard your back, and that you don’t guard it against them.

Tell me about the pilot. Tell me you don’t remember him under the boughs of that tree, and that nothing of you breaks when you fracture another person apart. Tell me how easily it comes now to hurt yourself so you can hurt them, too. Tell me it doesn’t make you sick when they scream.

Tell me about the scavenger. Tell me what it was like to learn your place as heir is no longer so apparent. Tell me what it’s like to so desperately need guidance when a novice, ignorant and rough, blooms with more ability than you’ve seen since your own childhood.

Tell me about the traitor. Tell me you didn’t know. Try to speak through your rage because he did what you could not… and walked away.

Tell me how it felt when your father fell.

Have you found that stillness yet? That which is your birthright: the mantle of order and peace that you will bring to the galaxy?

Once, you reached into the dark and took the hand you found waiting there.

When you’re ready, tell me when you’re ready to reach out again.

We’ll be waiting.

**Author's Note:**

> The other day, I was leaning on my mother and realised I am the same age as this sad, space punk of a son (and wow it put my problems in perspective, ha!); it also helped me remember how many bad choices you can make when you're alone. Do I think Kylo Ren will get a redemption arc -- probably, yes. Do I want one for him -- I'm not sure, I relish negative character development, too.
> 
> Join my support group for this debilitating obsession on [tumblr](http://bellsyblue.tumblr.com/). By which I mean come chat, because I live for burbling with you guys about this space opera.


End file.
